Before and after childbirth, a lot of attention is paid to physical health and recovery, but so far little attention is paid to the emotional state of mom. Meanwhile, the percentage of women diagnosed with postpartum depression is on the rise, and that's just the ones who hit the statistics.
In many cases, depressive states are a consequence of a difficult, unprocessed experience of what happened to a woman in labor. Our loved ones are not informed how to recognize such states and ignore the problem, writing it off to fatigue and adaptation, until the mother is already deeply depressed. If a woman has lost the joy of life, she is a hyper-anxious and hyper-controlling mother in the absence of a real danger, if motherhood is a burden to her and there is a feeling that her life is over after childbirth, if fatigue does not go away from rest, it is highly recommended to check yourself for postpartum depression (Edinburgh online test is quite accurate).
Trauma occurs in situations where a person, such as a woman in labor, felt helpless and at the same time there was a threat to life, hers or the baby's (whether real or hypothetical). Unfortunately most medical professionals who work with pregnant and laboring women do not take into account their emotional state, they were not trained to be especially gentle and tactful. They may say or do something that would not be traumatic for them or for a regular person, but for a woman in labor, when her hormons are at their peak, her sensitivity is higher than ever in her life and all the ancient mechanisms of the brain and body are turned on to protect the baby from danger, it can be incredibly traumatic.
In the last year at international professional conferences of midwives and doulas there has been a lot of talk about obstetric violence, which does not necessarily look like actual violence or agression on the outside, it can be devaluation, ridicule, intimidation, doubts about a woman's ability to bear, give birth or nurture a child, veiled in a caring patronizing tone of condescension or a critical assessment spoken in the unquestioning tone of a professional.
Women always remember the smallest details of what happened and what was said during labor and other important moments of their children's birth. Some of my therapy clients have carried these traumatic moments for 20 or even 30 years. They are never forgotten, just pushed to the edge of consciousness. Unfortunately, these experiences don't just stay in the mind, they continue to affect many important areas of life every day: a woman's confidence as a mother, her relationship with her child, what style of mothering she chooses, her sexuality and relationship with her partner, whether she decides to have another pregnancy, how the next pregnancy and birth will go. It is like a hidden, poorly healed wound that is not visible to others, but the body and brain remembers it and avoids some movements or activities for fear of disturbing it.
The problem is also that society propagandizes the image of an absolutely happy mother who has just given birth, so most women cannot admit their negative feelings and emotions, even to their closest ones. The overwhelming majority of women I worked with said that their close relatives refused to discuss with them any negativity related to the trauma of childbirth, denied that their experience could have been traumatic, guilt tripping them arguing that "you have a healthy baby and all is well now, you should be grateful".
That's one of the reasons professionals who work with emotional traumas and PTSD compare the experience of moms to warriors returning from combat. Yes, they experience joy of being alive, but that doesn't automatically take away all the pain they've endured. And the methodology of narrative practice "Healing Birth Stories" helps to look at this experience from a different prospective, to recognize all feelings and emotions, to rewrite this birth story. I can provide you with a safe space and ‘’hold your hand’’ while walking through that difficult experience and you’ll emerged from there as a victorious hero.
This technique also works with early pregnancy loss, failed IVF experiences, high risk pregnancy experience, separation from the baby after childbirth for prolonged periods, very painful breastfeeding experiences, serious illness of the mother or baby in the first few months where there was helplessness and life threatening. And even other cases of emotional trauma, such as from childhood or where the person has been in a similar situation.
By addressing and transforming these challenging moments in life's journey, you can loosen the grip of the past, dispel doubts and look at your experiences in a new way. This process will empower you to realize your inner strength and feel confident in your abilities as a mother and as a woman.
I was attracted to the effectiveness of this method, usually in one session we successfully change the perspective of one traumatic experience and all clients report great relief right at the end of the session. I stay in touch with the clients and in rare cases, if another episode comes to mind, we can do a second session in a week time or later. I also check on them after 4-6 weeks, and by this time they note that they have formed a rather neutral perception of their past experience, its not emotionally changed anymore, but they feel engaged more in the present and report higher energy level.
If this resonates with you and you feel drawn to the approach, my knowledge and time are at your service to guide you on the path to transformation. Before therapy I offer all clients a short 15-20 mins free of charge to see if the method is suitable for their situation and if we are a good fit.